I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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