i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
