the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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