I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
