Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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