i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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