Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
