I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Two words: blizzard sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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