He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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