Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
