Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
