so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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