I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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