I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
