Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
