WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
