Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
