I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
