i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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