you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
