ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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