I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
