i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
