This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
its liver damage thursday
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
