Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
