Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
