mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
