I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
