you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
