I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
