is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
