I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
