Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
