gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
whose parrot is this?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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