last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
