You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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