These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
