She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
