every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
