If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
