You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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