Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my shit smells like andre
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
