he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
