I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
