I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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