what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
