I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
