Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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