i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
