I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
