you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
